Experience makes you lose hope!
The New Nine Types of Users
1. The Mysterymaker
“I disconnected five computers in one of the buildings. Go and find them.”
Advantages: User probably didn’t break anything except temporarily.
Disadvantages: User creates a lot more work than a user who breaks something for good.
Symptoms: User will expect computers to be on the network without a network connection or to work without electricity.
Real Case: Temps have very quickly figured out that if they disconnect a computer, they don’t have to work for two days and their manager will call IT and complain.
2. The Electrician
“I disconnected the computer from the network, then connected it to a random port in the wall, the floor, or a piece of paper; now it doesn’t work.
Advantages: User will try to do the work himself.
Disadvantages: User doesn’t know what is involved in the work to be done.
Symptoms: User has connected the network port of a computer to an analogue phone line or possibly an electrical outlet; doesn’t understand why it doesn’t work as (he) expected.
Real Case: All cables are pretty much the same to a user.
3. The Sherlock
“The mail server is down.”
Advantages: User will point the admin to the problem.
Disadvantages: It won’t be the real problem.
Symptoms: User cannot read mail; assumes mail server is down before any other alternative.
Real Case: User’s laptop computer is not connected to the network or user has no actual email account at the company at all. Specificae vary.
4. The Elephant
“The Internet is down.”
Advantages: Uses very short sentences.
Disadvantages: Will make an elephant out of a mosquito and a mountain out of a molehill.
Symptoms: The user has started the wrong Web browser or no Web browser at all, cannot access one or two Web sites; shows complete inability to understand the difference between his Web browser and “the Internet”, and what the Internet is.
Real Case: Several users could not access a non-existent Web site.
5. The Mover
“I have moved desks. Can you tell me why my computer and phone haven’t been moved yet?”
Advantages: Has great confidence in IT’s ability to foresee the future and react instantly.
Disadvantages: Will not accept that communication is what should happen before the action.
Symptoms: User has moved desks three times in one month.
Real Case: At least one user moved his computer to one desk, himself to another, disconnected his phone without writing down the port number, and doesn’t understand why his (new) desk computer and (new) phone don’t seem to be his any more.
6. The Nihilist
“When I logged on to my computer today, nothing worked.”
Advantages: Believes he ought to log on to his computer every day, as he was told to. Gives a clear picture of what is wrong.
Disadvantages: Doesn’t log on or off ever, uses absolute terms to describe relative incidents.
Symptoms: User cannot understand why “nothing worked” is not a correct description of reality in some cases.
Real Case: Every now and then a user will ring the administrator to inform him that “nothing works”. This often refers to nothing but a missing icon on the desktop (that the user has probably moved).
7. The Time Traveller
“We’ve had this problem for months. Why has it never been solved?”
Advantages: Appears to have a valid cause for a complaint.
Disadvantages: Doesn’t really.
Symptoms: User refers to any problem as an old problem that IT simply never felt like working on.
Real Case: One user found a months-old problem with a system installed a week ago.
8. The Phantom
Informs IT about a problem he has, then vanishes.
Advantages: Can make it to a cave in Canada with no access to a mobile phone network within 23 seconds.
Disadvantages: Will use that ability.
Symptoms: User describes the problem fairly well and creates an overall positive impression at first.
Real Case: Several users call IT and then apparently go to lunch.
9. The Patrician
“Fix this problem now, cable carrier.”
Advantages: none
Disadvantages: Behaves like a prince or princess.
Symptoms: User doesn’t quite understand that the IT department are real people and colleagues with their own managers rather than service droids or everybody’s subordinates.
Real Case: In every company there is one manager who believes the IT department reports to every other department.