A Leauki's Writings
How to read words in press articles and liberal blogs
Published on July 21, 2005 By Leauki In The Media

This is a living document. I add words and modify definitions whenever I see fit.

"aid"
noun
Expired medication.


"anti-Semitism"
noun
Hostility or prejudice against Jews in the past and theoretically in the present unless targeted at Israel. In fact, classic anti-Semitism and its major crimes ended on May 15 1948.

 

"apartheid"
noun
A terrible crime against humanity caused by Israel. Apartheid happens when Arab nationalists or Muslim fundamentalists are unable to commit genocide against a non-Arab population and when Arabs and non-Arabs have the same legal rights as citizens.

 

"Arabia"
name
A large peninsula south of the Arab homeland (see "Palestine").



"arms deals"
noun, plural
A method used by fascist dictators to be armed and supported by the United States and end up with Russian and French weapons.


"cease-fire agreement"
noun
This term means nothing at all.


"censored"
adjective
Caught lying again.


"Christian fundamentalist"
noun
A Republican voter (see "right-wing extremist").


"CIA"
abbreviation
The symbol of all evil and the incarnation of the capitalist satan. Showing the involvement of the CIA in an incident proves beyond a doubt that the incident was inhumane and caused by greed, usually for oil.


"controversial"
adjective
1. (Content) false.
2. (Person) lying.


"disproportionate force"
noun
Lack of even remotely credible evidence for the thesis that the Jews are guilty of causing the latest conflict between Israel and the "Death to the Jews" crowd.


"diversity"
noun
Dominance by a non-white ethnicity or non-Christian religion. Strict observance of diversity is considered a step towards a colour-blind society.


"documentary"
noun
Film comedy (see "right wing propaganda").


"dubious"
adjective
The activities of a country or alliance that acts quickly, can be relied upon to act as promised, and which has widely known moral values.


"ethnic cleansing"
noun
The mass expulsion or killing of members of an unwanted ethnic or religious group unless said group is one of Jews.


"equal opportunities"
noun, plural
Equal results.


"expansionism"
noun
Israel's policy of defeating Arab countries that try to destroy the Jewish state.


"fairness"
noun
The belief that other people work for free.


"fascist"
noun
1. A politician or voter who does not believe in the moral superiority of self-proclaimed leaders.
2. Libertarian individualist loony with a fascination for guns that is likely not good for him and certainly not acceptable for the left.
3. A Jewish moderate from Judaea or Samaria.


"freedom fighter"
noun
A peace activist targeting Jews (see "peace activist").


"genocide"
noun
Any crime committed by Jews or Americans against any other people. A people can be subject to "genocide" even while its population is growing faster than all surrounding peoples.


"guerilla"
noun
A communist terrorist.


"heroic"
adjective
Attacking civilians, preferably kindergarten children (see "freedom fighter").


"Hitler"
noun
Any individual involved in a conflict between America and Arab nationalists except the dictator with the moustache who gases people.


"human rights"
noun, plural
The privileges Arab nationalists enjoy and their victims do not (see "international law").

 

"illegal"
adjective
Israeli, done by or in Israel


"imperialism"
noun
A political and social system used by tiny states against their giant neighbours in the Middle-East.


"insurgent"
noun
A foreigner coming into a country to kill civilians in protest against democracy.


"international community"
noun
The external authority justifying the rule of brutal dictators and condemning attempts to remove them from power.


"international law"
noun
The principle that tyranny is good, the murder of millions acceptable, and ending either immoral.


"intolerance"
noun
Disagreement with progressive opinion (see "progressive").


"Jerusalem"
noun
An Arab city that is completely unrelated to Jews or Judaism (see "Palestine").


"journalist"
noun
A person whose point of view is also his point of sale.

 

"liberal"
noun
An opponent of the Vietnam war and a supporter of John F. Kennedy

 

"lunatic fringe"
noun
Political faction in American parliament consisting of all Republicans and most Democrats.


"militant"
noun
1. A terrorist or murderer who kills specifically American or Jewish civilians.
2. A Sunni terrorist who attacks Shi'ite civilians in Iraq.


"military fiasco"
noun
Any result of an American invasion that saves hundreds of thousands of lives and that liberals disagree with.


"monopoly"
noun
A situation in which a company uses unfair tactics like very low prices and superior products against competing companies. Very low prices and the existence of competing companies are symptomatic of a monopoly.


"myth of the persecuted Jew"
noun
The logical explanation for why the current attack on Jews or Israel is not to be opposed on principle. The myth of the persecuted Jew derives from two thousands years of persecution which ended exactly before the latest attack and does not in any way include or explain it.


"Nazi"
noun
A person who sides with Israel against the dictatorships that surround it, with ethnic minorities against the dictatorships that rule them, and with small countries against dictatorships that attack them.


"Nazi crimes"
noun, plural
A crime of a nature that is beyond even the levels accepted and encouraged by the United Nations and covered by international law. The threshold depends on race and religion of the criminal and is usually the murder of millions and brutal occupation of half a continent for a non-Jew and for a Jew the expelling of a few thousand people and subsequent refusal to allow re-entrance. (see "international law", see "United Nations")


"Nicaragua"
noun
Proof that current American policy is based on greed and evil.


"nuclear reactor"
noun
An expensive device that produces electricity and would be employed by oil-rich middle eastern countries for only that purpose since, presumably, they have no other power source (see "oil").


"occupation force"
noun
An American peace-keeping force (see "peace-keeping force").

 

"occupied"
adjective
Jewish-owned or otherwise not under Arab control

"oil"
noun
A very valuable liquid that costs less than French mineral water and is the source of enormous wealth for some of the poorest and least developed countries in the world. Oil cannot be used to produce electricity (see "nuclear reactor").



"pacifism"
noun
The idea that tyranny and mass murder is to be preferred over war because war is wrong.

 

"Palestine"
noun
1. The only country in the world which has never had a significant Jewish population in its history (see "Jerusalem").
2. The Arab homeland (see "Arabia").
3. Not a territory created by the British in the former Ottoman Empire.



"Palestinian"
noun
A non-Jewish inhabitant of Palestine and any descendant of such living anywhere else. Some Palestinians are Egyptians. Most Palestinians are Muslims. There are Christian Palestinians, but they are often Palestinians for a shorter time. There are no Jewish Palestinians due to tolerance (see "tolerance").


"peace"
noun
A scenario in which ethnic and religious minorities are slaughtered by nationalist dictators without hope of rescue. This constitutes stability and is a good thing (see "progressive").


"peace activist"
noun
1. Any person who protests American and Jewish influence in the middle-east or the world, regardless of the means employed to make such protest known or the influence he wants asserted instead of American or Jewish such.
2. A prison inmate who regularly attacks other prisoners or guards.



"peace-keeping force"
noun
A non-American occupation force (see "occupation force").


"poverty"
noun
A state of existence that has been identified as the reason for why some of the richest men from the middle east attack some of the poorest members of other societies and their own.


"predominantly unarmed"
adjective
Adjective describing the status of a group who cannot currently kill as many Jews as they want to.


"progressive"
adjective
The political position and belief that stability is more important than democratisation.


"public interest"
noun
A liberal cause (see "special interest").


"racism"
noun
The belief that people should be judged on their achievements rather than their backgrounds (see "racist").


"racist"
noun
Someone who does not take into account another person's ethnicity or culture when judging his actions.


"refugee"
noun
Any non-Jewish person who actually fled some-whence or is remotely related to one who might have.


"refugee camp"
noun
Camps located in Arab countries bordering Israel. Refugee camps are surrounded by 200 million Arabs and Palestinians (see "Palestinian") are forced by Israel to live in the camps. The refugees (see "refugee") living in the camps have considerably fewer rights than the other Arabs in the host country and that is Israel's fault.


"resistance"
noun
The act of murdering an opressive Jew. This is generally done by oppressed minorities who are however free to move into Jewish neighbourhoods and who have determined that the source of the oppression is a school or kindergarden in that neighbourhood. Oppressed minorities have no problem getting weapons and bombs and other equipment required.


"resistance group"
noun
A group of freedom fighters (see "freedom fighter") or peace activists (see "peace activist") who engage in resistance (see "resistance").


"right-wing extremist"
noun
A Democratic/Republican swing voter or conservative Jewish politician (see "Christian fundamentalist", see "lunatic fringe", see "ultra-right-wing").



"right-wing propaganda"
noun
History (see "documentary").


"Saddam Hussein"
name
Leader of Iraq who paid Palestinian freedom fighters for killing Jews (see "freedom fighter") and whose regime had no connection to terrorism. The Anglo-American invasion of his country is now being revenged by Islamic terrorists because there is no connection between Saddam Hussein and terrorism.

 

"segregation"
noun
When Jews and Arabs live in the same city or region. Segregation can only be fought by demanding that the Jews live elsewhere.

 

"settlement"
noun
A place where Jews live as opposed to a place where people live (see "village").

 

"smear campaign"
noun
The act of quoting last year's statements of this year's liberals.


"special interest"
A conservative cause (see "public interest").


"terrorist"
noun
1. Any violent person except insurgents and peace activists (see "insurgent", see "peace activist").
2. An American or Jew involved in a war.
3. An Israeli of any age.



"tolerance"
noun
The ability or willingness to tolerate something that is not a living Jew in "Palestine" (see "intolerance").


"Shah"
title
The one-time CIA-supported (see "CIA") ruler of Iran who ruled since 1941 after being put into power in a CIA-initiated coup in 1953. A committed fascist the Shah allowed the UK and US to send weapons and other provisions to the Soviet Union during World War II thereby severely hurting the German resistance (see "resistance") against allied fascism.

 

"ultra-right-wing"
adjective
Describes whatever political position Israeli foreign minister Avigdor Lieberman currently represents, regardless of how left-wing or liberal it might be. If Avigdor Lieberman has a more moderate position than "Palestinian" president Mahmoud Abbas, Mahmoud Abbas is "moderate", while Avigdor Lieberman is "ultra-right-wing" because he is a Jew.



"unilateral"
adjective
Attribute of any act or decision of a group of countries which does not include France.


"United Nations"
noun, singular
International organisation watching over the world. The main purpose of the UN is to ensure that the world is safe, just, and educated. The logical result is that the world is now UN-safe, UN-just, and UN-educated.


"village"
noun
A place where people live as opposed to a place where Jews live (see "settlement").


"war"
noun
The ensuing event when one country attacks another. Depending on the status of the attacked party a war can be either acceptable to the international community or not. If the attacked party is a dictator prone to slaughtering minorities, a war to remove him is unacceptable (see "international law") and the attack is considered imperialism; if the attacked party is a country with a significant Jewish population, an attack is either considered the desperate act of an opressed people or quickly forgotten.


"war criminal"
noun
A Jew or American involved in a war, for example when under attack.

 

"Zionist"
noun
A middle-eastern Jew. When it is no longer politically correct to murder "Jews", the modern freedom fighter (see "freedom fighter") does not target "Jews" but "Zionists". It is convenient that generally Jews in the middle east are either Zionists (i.e. they moved to Israel) or have been killed by what made the first group move to Israel. The freedom fighter therefor has nothing to change except his rhetoric.

 

 

 


Comments (Page 2)
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on Dec 15, 2005

A politician or voter who does [not?] believe in the moral superiority of self-proclaimed leaders. The inverse, you mean.


You didn't get the theme of the dictionary.

When the media or liberals refer to a "fascist" they rarely mean somebody who believes in the moral superiority of self-proclaimed leaders.
on Dec 15, 2005

"UN-safe...UN-educated...." love it, love it....


This one is actually adapted from a German-language article of Ephraim Kishon's (the late Israeli columnist). In German "injustice" is "Unrecht" and Kishon made the pun about "UN-Recht" ("Recht" means "law").


Problem is, the lefties won't see the irony here. They'll just get their panties up in a bunch and call you a Nazi or something.....


They have to. I am a person who sides with Israel against the dictatorships that surround it, with ethnic minorities against the dictatorships that rule them, and with small countries against dictatorships that attack them.
on Dec 15, 2005

Actually Hussein was a devout protogée of Stalin.[Moustache is no coincidence]


Stalin is a good example for any fascist.
on Dec 15, 2005
When the media or liberals refer to a "fascist" they rarely mean somebody who believes in the moral superiority of self-proclaimed leaders.
But that's exactly what is meant by fascism--phony superiority.
on Dec 15, 2005
We could start a conservative dictionary...

"Working hard"
Since Bush was born into a wealthy family and never worked hard for anything in his life, any kind of work is hard work to him, so this has no meaning.

"Making progress"
This means, Halliburton is raking in the bucks

"Doin' a heck of a job"
This means his cronies are giving the appearance they look like they know what they're doing in their photo-ops.
on Dec 15, 2005

But that's exactly what is meant by fascism--phony superiority.


I know. As I said, you didn't get the theme of this dictionary. Alternatively, I find it rather frightening that this one example is the word where you disagree with the definition given.

You see, a synagogue is not really a symbol of occupation either. That's just a myth propagated by Nazis and supporters of Palestinian terrorists.


We could start a conservative dictionary...


Yes, you could. Go ahead. But seeing your examples, I fear you might not have the sense of humour for it.

It's entirely possible for a good project to "make progress" while Halliburton profits from it. The "conservative definition" of the term would thus not directly contradict the real idea behind the words. And then it just isn't funny.

You either didn't get the theme of this dictionary either, like our friend above, or your imagination is lacking.

You have to try harder!
on Dec 15, 2005
You either didn't get the theme of this dictionary either, like our friend above, or your imagination is lacking.


Or else, we just didn't find your definitions nearly as witty as you did.
on Dec 15, 2005
#20 by BenUser
Thursday, December 15, 2005


Is Andrew (Leauki) a neocon as well?
on Dec 15, 2005

Or else, we just didn't find your definitions nearly as witty as you did.


Nope. Nothing to do with it.

The overall theme of the article can be easily deduced even without understanding the joke.

However, I find it very likely that many who tend to use these words as I described their "meaning", will not find it funny to see their prejudices presented in such a way.

If you never use the word, say, "Nazi" to refer to a "person who sides with Israel against the dictatorships that surround it, with ethnic minorities against the dictatorships that rule them, and with small countries against dictatorships that attack them", you might find it funny once you notice that others do. But if you do use the word "Nazi" in that very sense, you are less likely to find it funny if a sarcastic definition makes it very clear that you use the word in the opposite of its original (or actual) meaning.

You see, in real life, actual Nazis do not side with Jews, dislike ethnic minorities, and favour dictatorships who attack small countries. You could define the word "Nazi" like that to somebody who doesn't know anything about WW2 and he would immediately know which side is the Nazis if he ever reads about WW2 later.

That's the reality we live in. But you might find, that in the current situation, many liberals use the word "Nazi" to describe the very opposite of that. And the joke is to point that out.

And OBVIOUSLY conservatives find that funnier, as it was not them who made the mistake. It is funnier to laugh at others' mistakes.

But as I said, go ahead and create a similar dictionary for conservative terms. But if the definitions will be like the ones given as possible examples earlier, the project will probably look like an angry attempt to create something similar, and it will be clear that the joke was missed.
on Dec 15, 2005
Youseem to be having trouble figuring out who is conservative here Ben.
Try more reading and thinking and less knee jerking.
on Dec 15, 2005
Seriously, you don't have to get the joke or find it funny to notice that all of these definitions are FACTUALLY wrong and usually the exact opposite of what the words actually mean.

I hate having to explain a joke.
on Mar 12, 2006
Another update...

militant
genocide

I need more words! I already read all the news I can find, but there is so little variation and very few new words.
on Mar 13, 2006
"idiot moron stuck in the 15th century" -- American Conservative.
on Mar 13, 2006
idiot moron stuck in the 15th century"


Is that a self description?
on Mar 13, 2006
An "American peace-keeping force" is an "occupation force" unless the mission is in conjunction with the UN.

How about:

Refugee
"Racist term for hurricane survivors, unless they're white"

"idiot moron stuck in the 15th century" -- American Conservative.
---Myrr

"Arrogant moron who can't let go of the Socialist Ideal"---American Liberal
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